1
00:00:02,418 --> 00:00:04,420
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:29,422
(PANTING)
3
00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:37,179
- (CAR HONKS)
- (YELPS)
4
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,016
(CRIES OUT)
5
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,695
Oh, no.
6
00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:12,131
Let me in, please.
I have to see Mr. Thorne.
7
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:18,179
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
8
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,975
A Sidney Debris to see you, sir.
9
00:02:25,853 --> 00:02:26,854
Send him in.
10
00:02:30,983 --> 00:02:34,904
Mr. Thorne, I'm so grateful
you're willing to see me on such short...
11
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:37,031
Nonsense, Sidney. Come in.
12
00:02:38,115 --> 00:02:39,909
Join me for a demitasse?
13
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:41,994
No, thank you, sir.
14
00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:44,830
Oh.
15
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,040
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
16
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,751
- Sorry about the leather.
- Mmm.
17
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:52,004
I hear you've made quite a name
for yourself on the streets, Sidney.
18
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:55,257
What is it they're calling you? Oh, yes.
19
00:02:55,424 --> 00:02:57,510
"The Man Who Killed Batman."
20
00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:00,805
Well, yes, no... That is, I didn't...
21
00:03:00,888 --> 00:03:04,016
Oh, Mr. Thorne, I'm in big trouble.
22
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,477
Now, now, just relax, man.
23
00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:08,771
And tell me what's on your mind.
24
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:13,484
SIDNEY: Well, for a while now, I've been
trying to move my way up in the rackets.
25
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:17,655
A few nights ago, my pal Eddie G.
Told me about a big drug shipment
26
00:03:17,738 --> 00:03:19,907
he was picking up for some mob hotshot.
27
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,910
Sounded like an opportunity
and I wanted in.
28
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:34,797
Whoa!
29
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,266
Hey, hey.
30
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:49,061
- You want to blow this whole deal?
- Sorry, Eddie.
31
00:03:50,187 --> 00:03:52,648
Why did you bring along that loser?
He's useless.
32
00:03:53,023 --> 00:03:54,692
Not as bait for Batman.
33
00:03:55,234 --> 00:03:58,195
He'll be too busy kicking the crud
out of Sid to notice us.
34
00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:01,782
Yo, Sid.
This is your big chance, bud.
35
00:04:02,074 --> 00:04:05,953
You do this job right, you might even
score yourself a cool mob name.
36
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:07,580
Like what?
37
00:04:07,663 --> 00:04:10,082
Uh... We'll call you
38
00:04:10,791 --> 00:04:12,168
Sid the Squid.
39
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,587
Sid the Squid.
40
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,672
Yeah, yeah.
41
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,842
Now, get your keister up there
and holler if you see anything.
42
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:30,978
SIDNEY: Like a hungry sea predator,
43
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:33,939
Sid the Squid stretched his tentacles
44
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,609
through the Gotham underworld.
45
00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:39,820
Yeah, boy, I'm on my way.
46
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,655
Nothing's gonna stop me now.
47
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,627
That's weird, wonder where that...
48
00:04:56,545 --> 00:04:57,880
(YELLS)
49
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,514
SIDNEY: Help!
50
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:13,687
EDDIE: The Batman.
51
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:16,982
Hey, this isn't what it looks like.
52
00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:23,072
Looks like a drug run to me. Someone's
flooding the streets with that trash.
53
00:05:23,405 --> 00:05:25,407
- I want his name.
- I don't know.
54
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,868
I'm just the lookout, honest.
55
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:29,954
(YELPS)
56
00:05:30,037 --> 00:05:31,872
THUG: Sid's taking on the Batman.
57
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:35,209
Little weasel's got guts.
No brains, but guts.
58
00:05:35,292 --> 00:05:36,585
Split.
59
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,338
- (YELLS)
- (GRUNTS)
60
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:44,552
Oh, I'm so sorry.
It was an accident, really.
61
00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:46,470
- You okay?
- Back off.
62
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:47,763
Yes, sir.
63
00:05:49,306 --> 00:05:50,683
- (YELPS)
- (GASPS)
64
00:05:53,018 --> 00:05:54,270
(WHIMPERS)
65
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:56,981
Don't let me fall, please!
66
00:05:59,775 --> 00:06:00,776
(YELLS)
67
00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:12,788
Stop struggling. Let go!
68
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:16,959
(GASPS)
69
00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:27,803
- What?
- What was that?
70
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,857
I didn't mean it. He came right at me.
I was just trying to get away,
71
00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:42,902
and he went over the side.
Boom, whoosh, fire!
72
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,486
I'm sorry.
73
00:06:45,821 --> 00:06:47,531
No one could live through that.
74
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:53,162
You know what this means?
Sid the Squid just offed the Batman.
75
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,545
You should be happy, Sidney.
76
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,842
Through a one-in-a-million mishap,
77
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:10,387
you've realized the dream
of every criminal in Gotham.
78
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,681
Huh?
79
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,601
The utter demise of Batman.
80
00:07:16,101 --> 00:07:19,021
You know, Mr. Thorne, my whole life
81
00:07:19,104 --> 00:07:21,899
I've dreamed of being a big shot.
82
00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:26,111
ALL: (CHANTING) Sidney, Sidney, Sidney.
83
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:34,703
SIDNEY: And that night, for one minute,
all my dreams came true.
84
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:41,001
To Sid the Squid,
the man who burned the bat.
85
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:45,839
ALL: Squid! Squid! Squid!
86
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:48,050
EDDIE: The toughest guy in Gotham!
87
00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:51,595
(YELLS)
88
00:07:56,183 --> 00:07:57,184
(GASPS)
89
00:07:57,267 --> 00:08:02,064
Suddenly I'm thinking, if I take down
the guy who took down Batman,
90
00:08:02,898 --> 00:08:06,026
then I'll be the toughest guy in town.
91
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:08,529
You got my vote, Chief.
92
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,116
Come on, Squid, give him what for.
93
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:14,177
- THUG: Come on, let's get it going here.
- (ALL CLAMORING)
94
00:08:14,201 --> 00:08:15,619
Get up. Come on.
95
00:08:29,049 --> 00:08:30,050
(SHATTERS)
96
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,519
SIDNEY: It was nuts, I tell you.
97
00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:45,149
Every creep and lowlife trying to get a
little piece of the guy who got Batman.
98
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,821
I was actually relieved
when the cops showed up.
99
00:08:51,071 --> 00:08:52,740
(SIREN WAILING)
100
00:08:56,744 --> 00:08:58,370
Well, sort of.
101
00:08:58,662 --> 00:09:00,581
- You can't keep me here.
- I got rights.
102
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,166
- Lousy bulls.
- (ALL CLAMORING)
103
00:09:02,332 --> 00:09:06,045
Simmer down, party boys.
You'll be out tomorrow morning.
104
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:11,008
Uh, Montoya, word is coming in
from the streets on a homicide victim.
105
00:09:11,258 --> 00:09:13,719
- They have an ID?
- Yeah, it's, uh...
106
00:09:14,803 --> 00:09:15,929
It's Batman.
107
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,306
(GULPS)
108
00:09:17,514 --> 00:09:19,141
What? How?
109
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,518
That explosion at the customs house.
110
00:09:21,685 --> 00:09:25,606
They said it's the work
of some mastermind called the Squid.
111
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:28,609
(LAUGHS)
112
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:30,903
(GROANS)
113
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:32,571
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
114
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,408
Look, Renee, the commish
is taking it pretty hard.
115
00:09:36,825 --> 00:09:39,203
- Could you, uh...
- Sure, sure.
116
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:47,211
How about it, losers?
You see anything tonight?
117
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,463
What's the word on this Squid guy, huh?
118
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:51,048
Oh...
119
00:09:51,298 --> 00:09:53,884
What about you, skinny?
You got anything to say?
120
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:55,260
(WOMAN CLEARS THROAT)
121
00:09:56,678 --> 00:09:58,222
Just one minute, please.
122
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:02,226
I'm Harleen Quinzel,
legal counsel to Mr. Debris.
123
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:05,312
I've paid his bail, and he doesn't
have to answer any questions
124
00:10:05,395 --> 00:10:07,314
until he's formally arraigned.
125
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,748
Don't I know you from someplace?
126
00:10:24,998 --> 00:10:27,459
I think I served you a subpoena once.
127
00:10:29,169 --> 00:10:31,505
It was a small subpoena.
128
00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:55,404
Gee! Who would care enough
to bail me out of the jug?
129
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,489
My mom doesn't even speak to me.
130
00:10:57,656 --> 00:11:00,075
And my parole officer's still in jail.
131
00:11:01,493 --> 00:11:02,703
(COUGHS)
132
00:11:03,078 --> 00:11:05,873
Wow, lady, you sure pile on the makeup.
133
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:09,293
My boss likes me
to wear a smile to work.
134
00:11:09,459 --> 00:11:13,380
Hey, I've seen you. You work for...
135
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:15,799
(GASPS) The Joker.
136
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,014
Welcome, Sidney.
137
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:36,403
Please, allow me the honor
of shaking hands
138
00:11:36,486 --> 00:11:39,364
with the man who did the impossible.
139
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:44,578
The man who killed Batman.
140
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:47,998
(GASPS)
141
00:11:48,081 --> 00:11:52,252
Whoops! (LAUGHS) Sorry, force of habit.
142
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:56,673
You know, there's just one thing
bothering me about your story, Sid.
143
00:11:56,798 --> 00:12:00,802
No body, no batus delecti, so to speak.
144
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:04,014
We need to pull a job tonight
just to make sure.
145
00:12:04,431 --> 00:12:06,308
Make sure of what, boss?
146
00:12:08,685 --> 00:12:11,688
Why, that old Batsy's
bought the cave, of course.
147
00:12:11,813 --> 00:12:15,901
And one more thing, Murphy.
Don't ask stupid questions.
148
00:12:16,443 --> 00:12:17,778
What?
149
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,655
- Ah! Ooh!
- (DOGS YELPING)
150
00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:28,247
(YAWNS) I'll get the mop.
151
00:12:38,715 --> 00:12:40,801
(ALARM RINGING)
152
00:12:41,134 --> 00:12:42,552
(COUGHING)
153
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,976
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
154
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:54,773
Righty-o! Harley, you loot the safe
while the boys and I set up.
155
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,234
Right away, Mr. J.
156
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:02,489
When the cops show, stall them
for a while. Nothing too fancy.
157
00:13:02,572 --> 00:13:05,993
Just keep them busy
until Bats gets here. Got it?
158
00:13:06,326 --> 00:13:07,619
Sure, boss.
159
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:13,709
- Any questions, Murph?
- No, sir.
160
00:13:14,167 --> 00:13:15,252
Good man.
161
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:21,258
And if Batman hasn't really
gone to his final reward,
162
00:13:21,341 --> 00:13:23,385
we'll see that he gets there.
163
00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:24,469
(LAUGHS)
164
00:13:33,603 --> 00:13:37,190
Mmm. From pinching pennies
to rubbing elbows with the Joker.
165
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,693
- Not bad, Sidney.
- Please.
166
00:13:39,943 --> 00:13:42,279
Connections like him I can do without.
167
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:46,283
Naturally, it didn't take
the cops long to seal off the building.
168
00:13:46,658 --> 00:13:48,827
Not that it mattered to Mr. Happy.
169
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:54,249
(GROWLS) Where is he?
He's never been this late before.
170
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,627
There's a certain rhythm
to these things.
171
00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,880
I cause trouble, he shows up.
172
00:13:59,963 --> 00:14:02,883
We have some laughs,
and the game starts all over again.
173
00:14:04,092 --> 00:14:07,137
Only, now, thanks to you,
174
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:11,058
I have this terrible feeling
he's really not coming.
175
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,188
Whee! Look at all the pretties.
176
00:14:16,813 --> 00:14:18,273
Put them back, Harley.
177
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:22,444
Oh, Mr. J., you're such a kidder.
You never could...
178
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:25,489
I said, put them back!
179
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:26,740
(SCREAMS)
180
00:14:29,117 --> 00:14:33,455
Sure, boss, I can do that. This is me
putting them back. No problemo.
181
00:14:33,538 --> 00:14:34,706
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
182
00:14:35,123 --> 00:14:39,252
Without Batman, crime has no punch line.
183
00:14:42,005 --> 00:14:44,466
SIDNEY: A laughing gas bomb
kept the cops busy
184
00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:46,176
while we slipped out the back.
185
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:51,848
Later, the Joker held a little memorial
at the Ace Chemical plant.
186
00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:54,351
(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)
187
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,772
You know what's great
about you, Puddin'?
188
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:02,025
You really put the "fun" in funeral.
189
00:15:09,699 --> 00:15:14,871
Dear friends,
today is the day the clown cried.
190
00:15:15,455 --> 00:15:16,456
(SOBBING)
191
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:23,296
And he cries
not for the passing of one man,
192
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,924
but for the death of a dream.
193
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:30,220
The dream that he would someday
taste the ultimate victory
194
00:15:30,303 --> 00:15:32,347
over his hated enemy.
195
00:15:33,306 --> 00:15:38,437
For it was the Batman who made me
the happy soul I am today.
196
00:15:38,895 --> 00:15:43,358
How I agonized over the perfect way
to thank him for that.
197
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:47,487
Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face.
198
00:15:49,781 --> 00:15:50,782
(WAILS)
199
00:15:55,412 --> 00:16:00,375
Or an exploding whoopee cushion,
playfully planted in the Batmobile.
200
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:09,634
But those dreams were dashed
by the weaselly little gunsel
201
00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:11,553
sitting there in our midst.
202
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:17,434
The cowardly, insignificant ganef
who probably got lucky
203
00:16:17,642 --> 00:16:21,980
when Batman slipped on the slime trail
this loser left behind him.
204
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:25,942
This mound of diseased hyena filth
205
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,988
who's not fit to lick the dirt
from my spats!
206
00:16:31,948 --> 00:16:35,744
But I digress.
The time for sorrow has passed.
207
00:16:36,077 --> 00:16:40,832
It's time to look ahead
to a future filled with smiles.
208
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,627
And I'll be smiling again
209
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:47,339
just as soon as we take that man there,
210
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:50,300
and slap him in that box there,
211
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:54,095
and roll it into that vat of acid there.
212
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:59,100
No, no! I never meant to do it!
213
00:16:59,684 --> 00:17:01,311
(WHIMPERING)
214
00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,063
Help!
215
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:07,567
(MUFFLED) This isn't funny anymore
216
00:17:13,823 --> 00:17:16,243
(PLAYING "AMAZING GRACE" ON KAZOO)
217
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,546
- (POUNDING)
- Would it help if I said I'm sorry?
218
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:31,383
I'm really, really, really,
really, really sorry.
219
00:17:31,466 --> 00:17:33,593
("AMAZING GRACE" CONTINUES)
220
00:17:55,323 --> 00:17:56,449
(SIGHS)
221
00:17:58,159 --> 00:18:00,787
Well, that was fun. Who's for Chinese?
222
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,254
(COUGHS)
223
00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:14,884
SIDNEY: I thought
I was a goner for sure.
224
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:21,808
Then, just as the acid started
to eat its way in...
225
00:18:25,353 --> 00:18:26,479
- (THUDS)
- (WHIMPERS)
226
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:28,231
Huh?
227
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,610
I was saved. The box must have
been sucked down a drain pipe
228
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,612
and smacked open on the bank.
229
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,655
I knew I had to get out of town.
230
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:40,493
So I called Eddie G.
And begged him to set me up
231
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,996
with the big man behind the drug ring.
232
00:18:43,204 --> 00:18:44,581
He sent me to you.
233
00:18:44,914 --> 00:18:48,793
Please, Mr. Thorne.
You're rich and powerful.
234
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,921
I'll do anything you say
if you can get me out of Gotham.
235
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:57,385
So the famous Sid the Squid is nothing
but a pathetic victim of circumstance.
236
00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,639
Just how stupid do you think I am?
237
00:19:01,264 --> 00:19:02,349
Excuse me?
238
00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:04,142
You think I didn't hear the rumors
239
00:19:04,225 --> 00:19:07,937
of the third-rate stumblebum
who rubbed out the Batman?
240
00:19:08,104 --> 00:19:12,317
And now you say you accidentally
made a fool of the Joker?
241
00:19:13,109 --> 00:19:16,363
No one's that lucky or stupid.
242
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:19,324
- Yes, I am. Honest.
- Admit it.
243
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:22,827
You're trying to muscle in
on my drug racket.
244
00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:26,081
You've been playing dumb
so you can get a shot at me.
245
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:27,832
No, really.
246
00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:30,877
Sure, I'll get you
out of Gotham, Sidney.
247
00:19:31,127 --> 00:19:32,337
In a pine box.
248
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:35,548
(GUNSHOTS)
249
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:42,055
(DISTANT GRUNTS)
250
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,644
(YELLS)
251
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:54,693
- You?
- (GASPS)
252
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:18,133
That's for pulling a gun.
253
00:20:20,051 --> 00:20:21,761
(SCREAMS)
254
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:24,889
And that's for the drugs.
255
00:20:34,941 --> 00:20:35,942
(GRUNTS)
256
00:20:38,027 --> 00:20:39,279
(OBJECTS SHATTERING)
257
00:20:43,908 --> 00:20:46,035
And that one's for any I missed.
258
00:20:46,327 --> 00:20:48,621
Oh, am I glad to see you.
259
00:20:48,955 --> 00:20:51,291
Wait a minute, how come you're alive?
260
00:20:51,624 --> 00:20:54,002
I swung away
before the gas tank exploded.
261
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,504
But I thought since you believed
I was dead,
262
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,090
I'd tail you and see who
was calling the shots.
263
00:20:59,507 --> 00:21:02,427
So you were the one
who saved me from the Joker?
264
00:21:03,094 --> 00:21:04,137
That's right.
265
00:21:04,971 --> 00:21:07,098
Well, glad to be of service. See you.
266
00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:11,060
You're still an accomplice
to Thorne's gang.
267
00:21:13,521 --> 00:21:15,732
Guess I can't win for losing, huh?
268
00:21:16,483 --> 00:21:20,987
I don't know. In the right environment,
a man of your dangerous reputation
269
00:21:21,070 --> 00:21:23,031
could still get a lot of respect.
270
00:21:28,077 --> 00:21:29,078
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
271
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:32,415
- PRISONER 1: Here he comes.
- PRISONER 2: It's the Squid.
272
00:21:32,665 --> 00:21:35,543
PRISONER 3: Toughest man in Gotham,
nearly offed the Bat.
273
00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:39,339
PRISONER 4: Set Thorne up.
He made a fool out of the Joker, too.
274
00:21:39,672 --> 00:21:43,551
- PRISONER 5: Don't mess with him, man.
- A big shot at last.
275
00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:47,305
(ALL CLAMORING)